Every so often when I open up a question box on Instagram, I get questions along the lines of, “I’m pregnant! Advice? Products you love!” and I always have a few things to say but here’s what I wish someone had told me:
DON’T FOLLOW PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP
You have instincts and with such an overwhelming amount of information out there, it can be easy to lose sight of that. That instagram account making you feel like crap? It’s time to unfollow. One of the best pieces advice I got was to pick one place to get your information from and to let everything else go. I promise you, google is NOT your friend. For breastfeeding specifically, I love and still use Kelly Mom. For sleep, I recommend HeySleepyBaby and for all things baby/parenting in general, Karrie Locher is a WEALTH of knowledge. No really, I learned more about postpartum care from her instagram than I did from my postpartum nurses in the hospital.
HOLD EXPECTATIONS LOOSELY
You can plan and have an idea of how things will go and then it all may change drastically. For me, I did not plan on getting induced at 37 weeks and I cried a LOT but it was ultimately the best, safest choice for me and the baby. In the moment it was a huge deal and now I hardly ever think about it. I didn’t expect nursing to be so hard (tongue/lip ties were so challenging) and it took a lot of work to get to where we are now.
Your baby is a whole entire person and they don’t understand schedules. And there’s a really good chance they are going to want to sleep on you and not in a crib and it can be SO hard and it’s so normal. You are learning and sometimes you pivot and try something new only to turn around and try something completely different the next day.
THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY
I feel like there are so many things that can make life easier but ultimately it’s a lot of trial and error. There’s no one “right” way to parent either and it’s a lot of figuring out what works for YOUR family. I thought I would never co-sleep and then baby got really sick at 4 months and it was the only way any of us got ANY sleep at all. There are so many choices and it can feel overwhelming but I promise you: there’s not a single perfect way. There’s so much nuance and it’s not all right/wrong. Going on zoloft was a huge decision for me but looking back, it’s been the best. In the moment, it felt like a false dichotomy but ultimately what’s best for the parent is usually best for the baby too. It’s taken me so long to find that freedom and I’m still learning but it really is so liberating.